Let me get this out of the way first. I nearly have narcoleptic (or is it necromantic? I dunno anymore) fits every time I hear or see news reports talking about people are on board a vehicle. I hiss through various degrees of clenchedness, “It’s ABOARD, you nincompoop!” I blame those damn yellow baby tags that everyone suctioned to their windows 20 years ago. I can let some things go, but this one grates my cheese every time.

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Did you know that Alexander Graham ‘Ma’ Bell thought the proper telephone greeting should be ‘Ahoy?’ Now you do. I say that sometimes when I’m feeling proper. I like to mix it up with ‘Speak,’ ‘Are you being served,’ and ‘close enough’ (when telemarketers try to pronounce my name).

What are your favorite non-hello greetings?

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The innernet is broken at home. The cable modem allasudden went zip-POOEY and all the lights went blank last night, and I was about to do my important research at that moment. Several resets and attempts to call the Cable Company were unsuccessful. Still busted today, and while the coffee house up the street is nice, I’m getting nervous with this little kid and his elephantine plate of goocake staring at me between heavily frosted bites. So it’s time to go.

Maybe I’ll get back online tomorrow.

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