Last night I had another colorized dream. I looked in the mirror and had become a teenage black girl with an enormous afro. Now, the transformation didn’t shock me in the least – but it was hard to hold up my head under that mass of hair, especially since I’m used to having very little. I turned out slightly homelier than normal too. And it happened twice. I think the metamorphosis didn’t take the first time. I looked in a full length mirror after the second change, and saw something like this (only skinnier, and with more hair).

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Anyone have any cat recipes? Want some? I plan to experiment this week on one of the obnoxious beasts. It claws on the carpet under the doors all night, is moody and bitey, and has figured out the perfect way to remain exactly underfoot wherever you happen to be going.

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Yesterday I got into a Yo Mama fight with a couple pre-teen boys:

Yo mama’s so fat, when she puts on her yellow raincoat, kids line up for the bus.

Yo mama’s so fat, she goes to the movies and sits next to everybody.

Yo mama’s so fat, she falls out of bed on both sides.

Yeah, it was fun… until I felt the white hot glare of their mama (who happened to be in the room) boring into my forehead. I’ve felt sheepish before, but I thought for sure I’d grown wool and a stubby lil tail last night. Baah.

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Speaking of cat recipes, I used to work with a bank robber. F’real. He was a convicted felon who turned his life around after spending some time in prison. He says after a few successful heists, he got caught. Having FBI guns pointed at his back as he ran through the woods gave him the epiphany he needed, and he quit right there. He was a welder, and I worked in the office at a steel shop.

He would often tell tales of prison life, and once he said there was a group of inmates who would befriend cats out by the fence around the yard, and occasionally lure one in. He reports that there is no worse smell on earth than microwaved catmeat coming from the prison kitchen late at night. I have no reason to doubt him.

Well, off to butcher some wood and maybe (or maybe not) a cat. Have a great day y’all!

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