Let me get this out of the way first. I nearly have narcoleptic (or is it necromantic? I dunno anymore) fits every time I hear or see news reports talking about people are on board a vehicle. I hiss through various degrees of clenchedness, “It’s ABOARD, you nincompoop!” I blame those damn yellow baby tags that everyone suctioned to their windows 20 years ago. I can let some things go, but this one grates my cheese every time.
*****
Did you know that Alexander Graham ‘Ma’ Bell thought the proper telephone greeting should be ‘Ahoy?’ Now you do. I say that sometimes when I’m feeling proper. I like to mix it up with ‘Speak,’ ‘Are you being served,’ and ‘close enough’ (when telemarketers try to pronounce my name).
What are your favorite non-hello greetings?
*****
The innernet is broken at home. The cable modem allasudden went zip-POOEY and all the lights went blank last night, and I was about to do my important research at that moment. Several resets and attempts to call the Cable Company were unsuccessful. Still busted today, and while the coffee house up the street is nice, I’m getting nervous with this little kid and his elephantine plate of goocake staring at me between heavily frosted bites. So it’s time to go.
Maybe I’ll get back online tomorrow.
July 2, 2008 at 10:34 pm
So sorry to hear about your modem. It should be against the law, you know? I mean for it to be down. I also think that a cable company should reimburse you for money you paid while the machine was down.
I abhor the phrase on board and aboard as well. They are used too often (either correctly or incorrectly).
Ahoy? Did Bell expect us to be on a boat all the time? My favorite non-hello greetings?
“Speak” or maybe
July 2, 2008 at 10:35 pm
Oops, somehow I got left hanging there, without an ending.
I was going to say maybe “Yo”…..LOL
July 3, 2008 at 11:29 am
Hmm… narcolepsy means you’d fall asleep at the sound of “on board”. That, however, would be preferable (or at least more legal) than necromancy which… well, let’s just say it’s creepy. Alice Cooper kind of creepy.
I had never heard the “Ahoy” story before. But somehow I’m not surprised. I’m not usually very creative with telephone greetings, probably because telephones are not my favorite things. “Hello” is usually about it for me unless I know who’s calling in which case it may be expanded to “Hello, baby” or in certain cases even “Hello, luscious”. Unless of course the caller is not someone luscious. Then the “hello” might be enhanced with (or replaced by) “what do you want?”. If it’s one of my sons, that’s almost guaranteed to be an appropriate question, but they usually get “Duuude!”.
So Duude… bummer ’bout your internet man. Cable companies are such whores.
July 3, 2008 at 11:44 am
Um, I can’t say I ever noticed the onboard/aboard thing… I did hate those little yellow thingies though.
“Duffy’s Bar and Grill” works as well as
“what!” on my cellie.
Hey Mojo – nothing creepy about Alice Cooper I rather like him..however, now having said that, I believe I have been called creepy before, so.. yeah. never mind.
Cable woes blow. Sorry you’re having them.
I don’t know know what “goo cake” is but it brings to mind images of snot. That’s gross.
July 3, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Hmmm,
http://www.navy.mil/tools/view_styleguide.asp
also hmmm,
http://www.answers.com/aboard&r=67
I’m not seeing much difference. Care to explain your clenchedness at the intechangeability of these terms? I’d hate to use them incorrectly in my blog and risk being called a nincompoop, or worse.
July 3, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Ah-HAA! I think I know why it clenches me. This tagline in the Navy styleguide says it all: Navy editors and writers should follow the most recent edition of the Associated Press Stylebook except as noted in this U.S. Navy Style Guide.
The AP is not known for quality as much as quantity, especially when it comes to language accuracy. Furthermore, journalists are taught to write to a 4th-grade reading level, which contributes to the erosion of language.
It’s interesting that none of the definitions explained ‘board’ – as in, the deck of a vehicle. As you board a vehicle, do you ‘become on board?’ No, as the Love Boat theme song clearly states, you ‘come aboard.’
/rant over
July 3, 2008 at 2:36 pm
well, anything that can be answered with a quote from a teevee theme song is a great answer.
July 3, 2008 at 9:52 pm
I’m a fan of answering the phone with “You Rang?” – a la The Addams Family.
Leave the AP Stylebook on the shelf to collect dust. Instead, please refer to “On Writing”, as updated by Stephen King.
Yes, THAT Stephen King.
You won’t be disappointed.
July 8, 2008 at 10:18 pm
@JC: Nothing at all wrong with Alice. I love the guy’s work! But let’s face it I Love the Dead (which is kinda the definition of “necromancy”) is a teeny bit creepy.